A Life In Pictures: Tracy, “Jangan Makan Hati Ye Nok.”
When I was assigned to do an interview which require me to ask my interviewee on sharing their personal private photo to the Project X Blog and knowing the industry too well I was quite sceptical of the idea. Surprisingly it does not take that long on having a willing interviewee who is very open with the way the interview will be.
It was a pleasure having one of the senior trans sister to share with the Project X Blog on her intimate transition journey from leading a life of young guy till when she chose to lead a woman’s life. She started up behaving and dressing like a women at the age of twenty. Now at the age 41 years old, Tracy Lijing, felt that she had faced a lot of life obstacle even till today she still standing strong with no feeling of regret.
This is her story.
“This first picture is where I was a teenage young boy boy, I still remember I was working at the karaoke as a waiter. So how, cute or not?”
“This picture is when I had already had made up my mind to be a girl and this is also my first starting up drag photo. During that time I have no breast and, I still haven’t do any surgery on me but I was only on the hormone pills. So how, pretty?”
“At this time I has already been on hormones for few months and then you can tell that my arm still look like a man . This period also I haven’t do any breast implant.
I already had the tattoo since secondary school when I was at the age 12 or 13 years old.
(My family) had never bother or care about me when they see me behave like girly girly. My point of time we got nothing else to do just tattoo or hang around with friends and what people have we also want to have”
“This is three years after the third picture, this is after I had my breast implant and was about to go for my sex change. And I had my first nose surgery, the first surgery on my face was my nose as a trans sexual. And this moment I was waiting to do my sex change”
“This is the one where I was having my sex change.
I know my husband when he was at twenty one while I was at twenty five years old and was about to go for my breast implant”
“The one that I had gotten up was after I had the ops and the other one is while I was talking to my late husband. I went with one of the sister where she had accompany and take care of me”
“This picture was my first hair show for MONSOON at Zouk with Michelle Chia and with few of our other transgender sister. I can’t remember the year but this is my first hair show.
You could called it as a runaway show but we are feeling feeling like a model, some sisters dream to be a model so we have our own fun and we also get paid why not give it a try. Actually it’s more like a fashion show then a runway”
“This picture is the first period of me knowing my late husband. It’s a bit embarrassing as I was not fully groom yet. This is the moment where you wear thick compact powder, blue eye shadow red lipstick and you feel that you are a woman but actually no lah”
“This was after the millennium at 2003 after we had done solemnization of marriage at the ROM (Registry Of Marriages). We had taken about another two or three years after the operation to decide on getting married. At first I felt that we were too young to get married since he was four years younger but when I reached my age at 29 he started to proposed to me again and this time around I accepted it. Anyway I was too tired to keep renting and move to one place after another, where I had never had any family support and I had wanted a place of my own already”
“Once I had gotten married I stopped doing sex work and relax. During 2006 I had manage to work as sale girl at the women clothing shop at CITY PLAZA”
“After I had become a wife and stop working sex work, I love to try out different different hair style. Especially since I had started to have a proper day job, had lead my life as wife and had my own place to called my home I start to feel more at peace”
“My late husband and I made a promise that at least every year we will travel for holiday, regardless of any way or anything”
Tracy’s transition to be a woman was never easy, she have never really manage to have the support and love from the family members as they had disowned her due her choices to be a woman. At 2012 Tracy Lijing suffered the worst blow in her life where she had lost her pillar of strength and a soulmate, when her husband had took his life away. She was grateful that within that period of her loss she still had her close friends for emotional support.
Even till now after three years Tracy Lijing is still grieving on her loss, especially when she is alone at the house but yet she still fighting on to survive in the world with a strong will. She doesn’t want anything to pull her spirit down.
Her last word for the readers is to be proud of your gender, even though there will be people who tend to talk about you even though you had the full transition to be a woman. Even though in the eyes of the law the post-op sister will have their right be recognised as women, you have to remember that you can never hide your previous gender. Be proud of your gender, be firm when you had made your decision for transition, be humble, and be confident.
Lisa is the Associate Program Coordinator here at Project X since January 2015. She has been involved in what she loves to describe as ‘A Professional Entertainer’ for seven years. Through her line of work, she has had the opportunity to meet many different people and thus allow her a wider knowledge of different perceptions of life.